Each and every year at this time I seem to reflect on my life and what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong. It seems I am in a little funk about all the things I am doing wrong, without focusing on the positive things I have and do.
Now, nothing bothers me more than reading a blog that is ALL happy ALL the time. "I have the PERFECT husband" really bothers me because no one has the perfect husband. Yes, they can be perfect for you, but don't tell me they are perfect. I certainly am not the perfect wife.
I'm not sure what is is about adulthood, but I remember growing up and knowing I was truly happy and being content with that. I was rarely unhappy with life growing up. Adulthood has brought a new set of struggles that I guess I'm not used to and it weighs heavy on me more than it probably should.
Lately I am down on myself for not having a "thing". Some people sew most of their kids clothes, some create wonderful, elaborate meals for their family, some just have some kind of "trade" that helps pick up the family finances. Some eat right and exercise and don't even get me started on how far behind I am on the weighloss game. Whatever it may be, I usually end up feelign like a failure for not doing more when I know the majority of my time is spent taking care of my family, just without a "thing".
The truth is, I am blessed and not because my life is perfect, but because I am where I am supposed to be regardless of the struggles. This morning, Baker woke up at 4:00 a.m. for whatever reason and I was determined he would not "be up" for the day. I kept trying everything I could to get him back to sleep. He would fall asleep on my shoulder, I would put him in his crib and then he immediatley popped up crying again. I asked "WHY GOD WHY? PLEASE make him go to sleep. Please" and I truly expected immediate results from that prayer. It didnt work... and it was just a small reminder that this life is not on my watch. He is preparing me for something else. 30 minutes later, he went back to sleep.
So many times I make comparisons of my life with where others are in theirs. Sometimes I think blogs are a way the devil gets to me. I can read 1 blog, 1 day and feel like a complete failure. (thank you Darby..jk) But I cannot do this in 2011. In fact, I have thought so many times of deleting this altogether and stop reading blogs , but thats just silly and absurd.
For now, I am choosing to remain positive and continue taking care of my family, cooking less than perfect meals while struggling to contain Baker's tantrums, still without doing my husband's laundry (that's right, I don't do his laundry) and hoping that is sufficient in God's eyes.
With that being said we had a great 2010. I wanted to go through a timeline of the highlights for us last year.
January- I got a job! After being jobless for 1 year, I finally was employed again. It was a blessing to be jobless while I was pregnant and to have a little extra time with Baker as an infant too. However, I need to thank God every day for this church and how perfect (I said perfect) it is for me.
March- Fun girls trip to Atmore for Kristin's 30th Birthday! Any girls trips are noteworthy since my college friends live all over the place and getting back together is a treasure.
April- Claire's wedding and Girls trip to Austin, TX
May- Baker's Baby Dedication on Mother's Day. The perfect scenario for that day.
Different Girls Trip to Fairhope!
June & July- Lots of Pool time and a beach trip!
August- Baker started walking & Football season kicked off- WAR EAGLE!
September- Katie's 30th Birthday party
October- Baker's 1st Birthday! (Brent's birthday too)
November- NYC trip and the IRON BOWL!! (Both enormous highlights)
December- Of course Christmas is always a highlight of every year!
Within the years LOTS of babies were born and weekend trips were taken as well as fun changes to our house. but I can't timeline the whole year. So, I will leave you with this quote:
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs